When a narcissist finds that you are no longer benefiting them, they discard you and find a new supply who can boost their narcissistic ego. When the narcissist obtains a new supply, that isn’t enough for them. They need additional ways to boost their narcissistic ego now that they have a new supply, so how does the narcissist act when they have a new supply? Today, I will discuss ways the narcissist ensures you know that they have a new supply so they can feel better about themselves.
Let’s start with a quick refresher on what supply is for the narcissist. The narcissist presents as all-knowing, competent, and superior, but this is all an act the narcissist puts on. At their core, they are insecure and have low self-esteem. Their outward appearance is meant to protect against being exposed for who they really are. If someone exposes the narcissist for who they really are, the narcissist becomes exposed to feelings of shame which triggers narcissistic injury. The buffer to the world they have put up to protect against shame has been defeated. They are then vulnerable to the world around them and move into defense mode to protect against further injury.
This buffer which they have put up around them is the supply. If their supply is fortified and well inflated, they can continue to live in their reality where they think people see them as superior and all-knowing. However, once the supply is punctured and starts to deflate, this is when the narcissist can appear the most unstable. They will enact their narcissistic punishment tactics of rage or even the silent treatment. They will do anything they can to preserve the supply they have left.
For the narcissist, the most common external supply source is another person. A person provides the narcissist with the praise they desire and the unconditional focus on them to ensure their supply stays inflated. However, a person can also be a source of supply for negative reasons. Narcissists are often bullies who need to put others down to feel good about themselves. When they have someone in their life they feel like they can belittle and put down, then they can feel better about themselves.
And the narcissist doesn’t have just one supply. They have multiple supplies because the supply is truly the only way they can live in the real world. They must always have buffers against narcissistic injury, so they have multiple supplies available to them. Each supply serves a purpose and has a role. As with everything with the narcissist, every aspect of their life is well thought out and planned. They need a supply who provides them positive feedback for when they need to inflate their supply related to positive thoughts, and they need a person who they can reliably put down and belittle for them to feel better about themselves while putting someone else down.
Despite their best efforts, there are times in which their supply will be depleted. The supply sources they already had were no longer serving the role they were assigned by the narcissist. So, they must find a new supply before they are exposed to narcissistic injury. Finding a new supply is of utmost importance to the narcissist and they will do anything to quickly find a new supply. Even the narcissist discard can serve as refilling their supply as they prepare to find a new supply. And when the narcissist finds a new supply, they will be on their best behavior to draw this person in. This is a prime time when the narcissist will engage in love bombing.
Once the narcissist has found a new supply, they then must show off the new supply and a primary reason they do this is to devalue and degrade their old supply. Remember, the narcissist thinks of themselves as the center of all interactions. If they believe someone has wronged them, they must get back at them any way they see fit. They believe the old supply has wronged them in some way, which is why they are no longer a current source of supply. And with the narcissist, they view this only in the context of themselves and what they need.
Another reason the narcissists show off their new supply is because they truly believe everyone cares about them and what they are doing. They think of themselves and no one else. The more they can flaunt their new supply, the more they can believe that they are the center of attention. It is a way to keep all eyes on them, and this more quickly inflates their narcissistic supply which went dry. They are also able to project all of their own feelings of hurt and betrayal onto their old supply by showing off their new supply.
The narcissist is incapable of feeling good about themselves on their own. They must use others in ways that benefit them. Your status with the narcissist is only temporary, and dependent on what the narcissist needs at the moment. They need a constant source of supply to boost their ego since they have low self-esteem and cannot independently feel good about themselves. Once the narcissist has found a new supply, they must do everything possible to show their old supply that they were replaced so they can feel more powerful and in control. Because remember, the narcissist only cares about how things affect them, and doesn’t consider others.