The word narcissist is everywhere in the news, social media, and in discussions with your friends and family. When you hear the word narcissism so often, you may start to wonder if everyone is a narcissist now. What is a narcissist and why do people discuss it so often? You might even turn the question inward and ask “How do I know if I am a narcissist?”. All of these are valid questions to a term you can’t seem to get away from. Today I want to discuss what narcissism is so you can get a better idea of the term and apply it correctly to yourself and those around you.
Let’s start with how common narcissism actually is. There is a common misconception that narcissism is common. You hear about it all over social media, and you may know someone who has narcissistic traits, so it appears narcissists exist everywhere around you. This is a wrong assumption. The current statistics indicate less than 1% of the population can be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. That is a very small percentage and speaks only to the diagnosis of the disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD. However, having the traits of narcissism is much more common. According to the DSM-5, there are 9 possible criteria, or symptoms, for the diagnosis of NPD and you must have 5 of the possible symptoms to meet the criteria for NPD. This means if you have less than 5 of the symptoms for the disorder, you can’t be diagnosed with NPD.
Very briefly, the symptoms of NPD that are considered in making the diagnosis include: A grandiose sense of self-importance; preoccupation with power, beauty, or success; sense of entitlement; lack of empathy; arrogance; exploitation of others for their own gain; belief that they are special and unique; require excessive admiration; envious of others or believe others are envious of them; and shows arrogant behaviors.
When you consider the symptoms of NPD, most of them, on an individual level, will be seen in people at some point in their life. For example, we have each had moments where we feel entitled and want special treatment. Imagine running late at the airport because of traffic and you want to get to the front of the security line because you are late. This expectation is understandable, but is also based on a belief that you are entitled to get to your gate on time while jeopardizing the on time arrival of those you cut in front of. And many people are also preoccupied with power and beauty, another trait of NPD. If you are trying to advance in your job, or want to look your best with the latest fashion and makeup then you are preoccupied with power and beauty.
We all express the traits of narcissism at some point. So, if you are trying to determine whether someone is a narcissist by looking at the individual traits, then you will most definitely conclude they are a narcissist. This is an inaccurate conclusion. As I mentioned, having less than 5 of the traits of narcissism would mean you can’t be diagnosed with NPD. Additionally, merely showing any of the traits doesn’t mean you are a narcissist.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of being which impacts how the person interacts with others in all aspects of their life, consistently. It isn’t the poor decision made when you are running late, or how you act towards some of your friends and not others. The narcissist can’t consider how their actions affect others and can’t make changes because of this lack of insight. If you have some traits of narcissism, work on those traits but don’t try to box yourself, or others, into the category of a person with NPD based on a few behaviors.
So no, not everyone is a narcissist. But it is easy to think they are when you only consider parts of the disorder and not the disorder as a whole.