You have finally found a way to get away from the narcissist and start a life free of their abuse and control. You are hopeful for the new future where everything you do isn’t put down and you aren’t told you are the problem for everything that goes wrong in their life. However, the narcissist sees that you have moved on from them and knows that they no longer have control over you when they see you spending time with someone other than them. What happens when a narcissist sees you with someone else?
The narcissist will never accept that you were the one to end the relationship and move on. They have carefully crafted their own reality, which always places them in control. The storyline they have created for themselves, and you, is that they are superior and will always be in control. If things don’t go as they have carefully planned and crafted, then the narcissist will enact their narcissistic punishment tactics to stabilize the uncertainty which has been created in their life by you moving on. You know the narcissist has seen you with someone else, but how can you expect them to act now that they know someone other than them is in your life?
If you have found someone new, the narcissist will most likely play the victim. Due to their unstable senses of self and lack of object constancy, they cannot see you as someone they once cared about. You are now seen as all bad. They cannot remember, or consider, the positives they once saw in you, and you are now seen as the enemy. Everything bad in their life is because of you. The narcissist thinks about every way you have wronged them, and this becomes their focus. They can’t consider how they may be a reason why you have moved on, so fingers are pointed at you. This allows the narcissist to play the victim which helps protect their narcissistic supply and exposes them to shame. The narcissist could never consider them as a contributor to the reason you have moved on.
And this leads us to the next tactic used by the narcissist if they see you with someone else, and that is the smear campaign. The narcissist must get others on their side so they can fully embrace the victim role. They will spread negative information about you and recruit flying monkeys to the fullest to make others believe they were never the problem. The narcissist must convince themselves, and others, that you are the problem and not them. The narcissist spent the entire relationship blame shifting and not taking responsibility for their own actions. Just because you have moved on, it doesn’t mean the narcissist has changed.
The smear campaign is another manipulation tactic used by the narcissist to continue their narrative that they are superior and can do no wrong. They need to manipulate others as a way to feel better about themselves.
The narcissist will manipulate and control through their gaslighting, a technique they have perfected throughout their lifetime. If the narcissist still has contact with you after they see you with someone else, they will continue to gaslight you. They will try to convince you that you are the reason things fell apart and that your next relationship will not work out by reminding you of everything you did wrong in the relationship with them. This gaslighting is just a bunch of blame shifting and finger pointing accusations to continue to make you think you were the problem. Even though you have clearly moved on from the narcissist and no longer want or need them in your life, the narcissist must continue to make you feel like the problem and the reason for the current situation.
And depending on what the narcissist thinks is best for them, they may hoover you. They may try to convince you to come back to them by using love bombing, or other techniques which have been successful in the past when they thought they were losing you. And while the narcissist may be hoovering you to bring you back, it doesn’t mean they care about you and want to be with you. If the narcissist sees you with someone else, the hoovering may be another control tactic used by the narcissist. The narcissist that thinks they lost you hoovers to make themselves feel like they still can control and manipulate you, while also taking you away from someone they think you are happier with. The narcissist is a master at using their words and that is why it was so hard to leave them to begin with. They can never accept they failed and will do anything they can to bring you back, solely as a way to convince themselves they still have control and power over you.
When a narcissist sees you with someone else, they instantly go into defense mode and see you as all bad because they can’t consider themselves as a reason you have moved on. Even though you two are no longer together, they will continue to try to control and manipulate you. And if they can’t control you, they will use flying monkeys to control those around you.