The narcissist thinks they are better than everyone else and they are superior in all they do. They think people are envious of them and want to be just like them. They believe they are flawless and know everything. While the narcissist firmly believes all these things about themselves, they aren’t actually true. Despite the thoughts not being true, the narcissist holds firmly to these beliefs and expects others to also believe them. The narcissist must have these thoughts to keep their ego inflated; to serve as a buffer against their supply running out and exposing them to narcissistic injury. The narcissist must lie to themselves, and others, in order to maintain this false reality they have created. The narcissist can lie without hesitation and can hold firm to their lie no matter what evidence may be presented against them. The narcissist lives in a world of lies which is meant to maintain their image of grandiosity and superiority. When everything they think and say is a lie, do narcissists believe their own lies?
As I discuss lying today, I will discuss lying which is both within, and separate, from the gaslighting the narcissist does. Lying is a part of gaslighting, but gaslighting has an additional component of trying to alter someone’s memories and reality. At the very basic level, the intent with gaslighting is to twist reality in a way that makes the person being gaslighted feel like they are crazy, and to place the responsibility on them. With lying, the intent of the liar is to intentionally hide the truth to avoid responsibility but is not intended to manipulate the person being lied to. This is a primary difference between gaslighting and lying. The intent of the person’s falsehood determines whether it is gaslighting or lying.
That being said, a lie is a lie, and it doesn’t really matter whether it is in the context of gaslighting or not. The real question is, do narcissists believe their own lies?
The narcissist has an unstable sense of self and must craft a reality which they feel they can safely navigate in. They control all aspects of their lives to feel more in control. In their attempts to control everything and everyone, they create a reality which is theirs, and theirs alone. They believe things that others don’t believe, and they will reject anything that is counter to the reality they have created. They will do anything to build a wall of protection around them to support the reality they have created.
The narcissist creates a reality which they feel safe and secure in. Because of their unstable sense of self, they don’t have the tools to manage events in the environment which go against their beliefs. While most people can recover from someone disagreeing with them, or blaming them for something, the narcissist cannot. Those actions expose them to shame and then narcissistic injury which can lead to narcissistic collapse.
The lies the narcissist tells help them live successfully in the alternate reality they have created for themselves. Each thing which goes against their carefully crafted reality must be justified in some way. So, they lie. They lie to themselves, and they lie to you as a way to maintain the reality they have created. And whether you do or don’t believe it isn’t their concern. They aren’t trying to bring you into their own reality. Their only goal is to keep you confused enough to not know what is real and what isn’t. When you are confused, you become inward focused and question what is happening and what role you played in the outcome. This is what the narcissist is looking for: you to focus on you and not on them.
If you try to tell them they are wrong, that is when they use their narcissistic punishment tactics of rage or the silent treatment. They need to shut you down so that you don’t try to influence their reality.
The lies the narcissist tells are lies which benefit them, but more importantly, allow them to continue to live in the alternate reality they have created for themselves. And the lies of the narcissist may seem to be ever changing, and this is true. The lie the narcissist is telling is whatever they, themselves, need you to believe in that moment. This is based on the current instability in the narcissist they are trying to recover from. The lying of the narcissist is predictable, but the things they lie about are unpredictable. And they lie about little things that don’t even matter to everyone else.
So, do narcissists believe their lies? The answer is most definitely yes. They have no other choice than to believe their lies. To not believe their lies would force them to look at who they are as a person, and this would lead to the crumbling of the reality they have so carefully crafted as protection for themselves.