The new supply. Sometimes it can be freeing to know the narcissist has finally moved on by finding a new supply. Other times it can be upsetting and distressing that you have been discarded after all you did to help the narcissist, just for them to kick you to the curb and find a new supply. Now that the new supply has been recruited by the narcissist, how long does the new supply last and are they really a replacement for you?
Let’s do a quick refresher on what narcissist supply is. First, the narcissist has an unstable sense of self, which is when someone is unsure how they think about or perceive themselves. Narcissists struggle with issues of identity. They lack a strong sense of self so any changes around them can lead to feelings of insecurity, and they do not know how to respond to this. For this reason, the narcissist is always on the defensive. In their mind, everything has the potential to be an attack on them, so they are on the defensive to protect against the perceived attacks.
Due to a narcissist’s inability to boost their own self-esteem, and the requirement it comes from outside sources, the narcissist is always on the lookout for people that can provide them with the admiration they so desire. The narcissist supply becomes the person/people that provides this for the narcissist. The supply allows them to boost their self-esteem and to sustain their sense of self, which would otherwise fall apart. The narcissist must have constant sources of supply to protect against narcissistic injury. The supply is always running out, like gas in a car or air in a balloon with a hole. They must refill their supply at a rate greater than it is running out, or else they will be at risk of narcissistic collapse.
The problem is, the narcissist is difficult to be around. They are harsh and often cruel, so they destroy relationships. They can’t maintain long-lasting relationships and they push people away with their abusive actions. So, they run through supplies quickly. They also don’t know how to mend the relationships they have destroyed because of their lack of responsibility taking, blame-shifting, and lack of empathy. As a result, they are always looking for new supplies.
If you have known a narcissist for any amount of time, you have likely experienced the discard once they are done with you; and the narcissist moving onto the new supply. How long does the new supply last and is this person a permanent replacement for you? It is natural to wonder whether this person is better than you, can control the narcissist more readily, or any other self-deprecating thought which makes you the problem and not the narcissist. You worked hard on making the narcissist a decent person, but as usual, they show no appreciation for you or what you have put up with and they find someone new.
If the narcissist has found a new supply and appears to be happy, and even growing, in the new relationship, don’t lie to yourself the way the narcissist has lied to you throughout the relationship. The narcissist hasn’t changed because of this new supply. Did the narcissist make any meaningful changes when they were with you? Then why do you think now they have become this person who is capable of change? I can imagine you are replaying all of the abusive things the narcissist told you in the relationship and this is why you are convincing yourself the narcissist has finally found someone who makes them happy.
The narcissist would blame you for everything in the relationship that went wrong or tell you how you are the problem, the crazy one, or so dramatic. As the narcissist looks happy with the new supply, these things they used to say to you, that you have since internalized into your own voice, become louder and louder. The narcissist is out of your life but still very much controls you and your thoughts.
The new supply for the narcissist will last as long as it benefits the narcissist. No one, not even the narcissist, knows how long that will be. It could be days, weeks, or even years. The timeline isn’t based on what the new supply does and how much better than you they are. The length of time the new supply continues to be in the narcissist’s life depends solely on whether the narcissist feels that person can inflate their narcissistic supply effectively. The discard for the new supply will come, just as it happened to you. The discard wasn’t because of anything you did or didn’t do. The narcissist doesn’t consider others and only thinks of themselves. When they can no longer figure out how to make your presence work in their life, they discard you. This is because of their unstable sense of self and inability to make changes; not because of you or anything you did. So, how long does the new supply last? No one knows and instead of convincing yourself that all of the negative things the narcissist said about you are true, focus on your own happiness and do things you enjoy and find value in.